I had something planned for today but then Facebook happened.. so I’m sorry there will be no mom-approved Monday today! Instead I need to share a story! This morning Facebook notified me that I had memories with my husband and someone else and another person.  Normally these memories make me laugh to see how immature I was 8+ years ago. Today, that came to a screeching halt! Today I did not laugh, it was actually quite sad to read this pregnancy memory from 7 years ago today!

With both Ava and Zoe, I was considered a high risk pregnancy due to a short cervix.  I touched on the subject back in August last year  but you can click the link above to read all about that experience.  This second pregnancy was alot easier than the 1st because I knew what to expect. I knew the advantages, I knew the fear, I knew how much support I need, and I knew how to get prepared.

Until today, I didn’t really realize just how sad, mad and scared I was until Facebook brought up my Status posts from 7 years ago. A flood of emotions came over me as I read the anger in my status’s.

” September 14, 2008 at 10:33am · is wondering when she can go home.. stupid hospital!”
It wasn’t until the next post where the sadness really hit, and it felt like a kick to the gut, I remembered that day, I remembered sitting in that room, drowning in tears, and feeling soo alone. But reading his words, the memories came flooding back.
Bruce Shearer to‎ Janette Shearer September 14, 2008 at 1:39pm ·
   It’s lonely is this place without you.”
We had just moved in to our 1st apartment together 14 days earlier! We moved in together, I was 20 weeks pregnant with our 1st child, this was supposed to be happy times.  We went in for my 20 week ultrasound, I was 19 weeks and 6 days. This happened on September 11th, 2008, I left the hospital a week-ish later. I was told I could have lost my baby! I was told that if I didn’t have this surgery or stay in the hospital, I could lose my baby, I could have this surgery and still maybe lose my baby!
Janette Shearer September 14, 2008 at 1:47pm ·
is on day 4 in the hospital and is getting more bitter with every hour that passes that another one of her “friends” still doesn’t come to see me”
Even now as I type this,  and trust me I’ve re-read these status’s several times, and each time I’m still floored by the amount of anger, pain, and fear I felt on this day 7 years ago. That night in the hospital, I felt Ava kick for the 1st time, and while I felt blessed, I was terrified that I’d never feel that again!
Janette Shearer September 14, 2008 at 4:53pm ·
 is officially not accepting ANY more visitors oh wait I only had one friend besides Bruce show up!”
I recalled the sound of the door opening and how it felt to hear the sound of a voice in the distance that sounded so familiar, and time and time again, no one showed up.  Bruce called me later in the day and told me that he had run into one of my friends the night before, a “best friend” and ripped into her about not coming to see me. Problem when you make friends with bar staff, they tend to be less than reliable on day visits.
Janette Shearer September 14, 2008 at 10:18pm ·
is hoping for an early ultrasound then I might be able to go home !! Thank you to Shannon and Becca for visiting me!”

It broke my heart to see my younger self in such pain especially knowing that what I was experiencing was just the beginning of it all. I’d go on to have one more scare and then came the day she was born, which I guess I blocked out parts of it, because there was a moment she wasn’t breathing and again were faced with more fear but she was born perfectly. All 10 fingers and all 10 toes.

I then went on to suffer from Post Partum Depression, which is a whole other set of fears. Today, I just want to hug my younger self and ask her to not be so mad, to not be so scared. I want to tell her that it will all be ok!  The memories of this past week have been intense and I’m taking the time to reflect on where I am now!  I am so incredibly lucky to now have 2 beautiful little girls a loving husband and the most amazing friends and if you’re reading this.. that probably means you.

Friendship
Friendship

So I ask you today, reflect on your friends, and maybe just reach out and let them know that you’re there and you care. Sometimes in the hustle of jobs, children, school and our own lives, we get caught up and forget that sometimes a simply phone call, email, or text message to say hello can bring so much joy to someone’s day!

You, my dear friend, are amazing! Thank you for being you and for reading along! If you ever need me, you know where I am.  I got you!

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here