Dear Tooth Fairy… Take A Flying Hike!

Picture this…. you’re a work at home mom. As luxurious as that sounds, plopping your kids in front of our favourite sitter Netflix isn’t always the solution! Some days between the blog, online store and making products; I feel like I”m failing at mom life and housewife! There truly isn’t enough hours in the day!  Now that I’ve given you a bit of backstory, you may begin to understand my distaste for the tooth fairy!

As my almost 8-year-old is losing them, my almost 2-year-old is pushing out new ones, I’m pretty tired of teeth over here! I don’t remember when kids start losing faith in the tooth fairy but for our sake, I’m hoping it’s soon! Ava loves the idea of the tooth fairy! I see her as worse that the damn Elf on The Shelf. At least the Elf on The Shelf goes away after a month, the darn tooth fairy shows up whenever the hell she damn well feels the need to!

I guess being the only girl and having to older brothers had made me a bit sentimental when  I envisioned having children. I hoped that they’d never have that sibling who randomly yelled out because they were in a pissy mood….


The first time Ava ever yelled at me, “Who cares, she’s not real anyways!” The little girl in me cried a little on this inside, as I hoped she would keep her innocence just a little while longer! Now I see myself holding back the urge to yell at her,” Who cares, she’s not real anyways!”  Last night was one of those times!

Zoe’s been extra clingy and needing affection. Ava’s been extra spicy with the increase in sugar. The shop is getting busier. The hubby has been busy at work with his new promotion. I can see my editorial calendar filling up!  Ava comes home rushing out the school doors with a hole in her mouth where this wiggly snaggletooth once was and a cheap plastic tooth necklace around her neck.  She jumps with joy,” Mama, the tooth is fell out!”  I died a little inside!

I’ve forgotten about the tooth fairy at least twice now and that is a hard thing to recover from! I’ve gotten clever with excuses but every fallen tooth reminds me that the emotional warfare that could ensue if this is not handled correctly! Sometimes Ava gets mad if the tooth fairy doesn’t leave her a note with the money, other times this doesn’t phase her! In the angered moments, she yells something about the tooth fairy not being real and each time I find myself defending the damn dreaded tooth fairy and explaining all the ways that she is REAL!!


You never know what you’re going to get with Ava so I said to my husband, ” DO NOT LET ME FORGET!”, well, he passed out the same time they did! So now I go to my trusted To-Do List and I start to one by one tackle the things I know I must do! Next thing I know, I’m almost finished redesigning my business cards and my eyes are starting to burn, it’s almost midnight and a text from a dear friend says that it’s time to hit the hay. I close my laptop ever so slowly as I scan my to-do list to make sure I’m not forgetting anything! I am but I’m too tired to keep going.


This horrid sound comes blaring out from the girl’s room. I rush in in hopes of Zoe not waking Ava up.  Zoe’s pushing out another eye tooth so her sleep isn’t always sound! I put her soother back in her mouth, she slumps down and I rub her back, I turn to walk out, see the stupid plastic tooth necklace and suddenly remember… THE TOOTH! Zoe screams out again.  I sink down to the floor and I hear.. “psst… mom can you get me a drink!”  My inner two year old wants to kick and stomp her feet, both damn kids are awake and I still have to do the damn tooth!

I get Ava a glass of water and sat in the dark on the floor at the foot of Zoe’s crib.  This way I can crawl out when she has finally fallen asleep. She needs that extra reassurance that I haven’t run away with the circus just yet!  An hour or so later, Zoe finally falls asleep! Now I see the white’s in Ava’s eyes…DAMN IT! I feel like a hunter stalking an endangered animal! Somehow I must manage to sneak the tooth container out of the room, grab the tooth, put the tooth container back in and put money in all the while she wouldn’t fall back asleep!

So at 1:30 in the morning I crawl into bed, muttering under breath, “Stupid tooth fairy!” and the worst part is that we’re going to keep doing this presumably for many more years! As terrible as the wage increase, the whole remembering thing and the constant fights to prove that she is real, her innocence and belief in the tooth fairy is just too important to let my grumpy ass tell her she’s not real.

teethingfairyDear Tooth Fairy,

Could we at least plan the tooth fairy visits a little better? Perhaps the wiggly teeth will extract quicker and easier with less grossness. Perhaps not when baby sister is cutting a new tooth!  That would be great! Mmmmk Thanks!

Signed Frustrated Moms Everywhere!




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