So you’re thinking about getting an Elf on the Shelf hey?  Don’t do it Mom.. just trust me, just don’t do it! I gave into the hype, I gave in, I caved. I let Ava win the battle. Let me tell you my story and then 6 things to know before you get the elf on the shelf. You’ll thank me later!

Rewind 2 years…Kids talk, and most times when they do, you can be guaranteed that at some point letting them talk freely will be like shooting yourself in the foot.  The tooth fairies going rate is because of kids speaking freely to each other and comparing rates, the neighbour kids are getting $5 a tooth.. say WHAT????  I’m not quick on the responses so when Ava came home from a play date a few years ago talking Elf on the Shelf, it was really hard to come back at her with reasons as to why we should not get one.

Ava: “All the good kids get a Elf, maybe Santa doesn’t like me?”

Mom: “No hunny, of course Santa likes you, but maybe he’s low on Elves to loan out!”

Ava: “No Santa just doesn’t like me… I guess I’ll never get an Elf”

So that happened and then I spent the next week with a little girl moping around the house with large sighs and sad faces! “Maybe Santa doesn’t like me!”  Well, that just breaks a mama’s heart and I can see the sadness in her big green eyes. The pressure got to me..and then I found myself in Coles looking for a girl Elf!

*FACE PALM*

Reluctantly, I brought home this Elf.  Little did I know what we were truly getting into, how this crazy little elf would change the way we do Christmas and NOT in a good way! There are 6 points I should make about my ANTI- Elfism, many of you won’t agree but the ones that will, totally will.

1. You can say that you’ve welcomed your elf to bring in more Christmas spirit, that is Santa’s job, not some weirdo elf watching everything everyone does! Why are we taking responsibilities away from Santa? He made a list, he’s checking it twice, gonna find out who’s naughty or nice! Don’t downplay the power of a list. You don’t mess with mama’s list, why would you mess with Santa’s?  I know the Elf works with Santa but really… you think Elf isn’t getting a big head over this important job of watching for bad behaviour?

2.The naming of the elf! My child had to pick a perfect elf name that you could ever pick.. it took forever and of course, you can’t leave the room while the child is deciding because they might have a really good name to yell at you. Then you spend the next month or so talking about the Elf like it’s actually going to do what you say it is. “Sparkly is going to tell Santa that we’re not using our manners!”

3.Your child WILL NOT listen any more than they normally would. Secretly, you’re hoping that the creepy little elf staring at you while you eat, or watch tv will help entice your little to be on the best of behaviour for Santa.  It won’t happen! December is far too exciting and TV, school, and friends have set your child up to be a ticking time bomb of excitement for a whole month long!

Elf

4.Remembering to MOVE said elf before the kids wake up! I can barely remember to take my socks off before I climb into bed but now I have to finish cleaning the kitchen, get both kids in bed, put the toys away, write a funny and super clever blog post like this one that I hope you’ll share a million times, eat half a box of cookies and then remember to move the elf?! It was always that moment that you’d crawl into bed and it’s feeling particularly soft, cozy and soo inviting that your head hits that pillow, you snuggle in just right and then…………. “F$%#”

5. Now you’re tired as hell and you’ve run out of ideas on place to put the elf, so you decide to google it, which usually takes to Pinterest and oh I love me a Pinterest but it can suck you in and spit you 3 hours later not remembering why you were on Pinterest, to begin with!  Oh right… the elf! Now you’ve found a Pin on Pinterest with clever ways to display the elf and now you’re running around the house like a mad woman trying to see if you have the items you need when you just want to be in bed!

6. The book.. oh the dreaded book. We read that book every night the first year that we had the elf. “I just love Sparkly soo much!”  Enter gun emoji HERE..(one of my most favorite texting emoji’s ever FYI)  There was no amount of bribery that could happen to get her to not read that damn book every night! “I might forget the rules mom!”… oh the rules! If we didn’t have enough of those already!

Now it’s not all negative. There are a few good things about the Elf on the Shelf!  But the very best thing about the Elf on the Shelf is December 24th! Your child will go to bed and you pack up that creepy little elf and book and say GOOD RIDDANCE!  Now can we enjoy Santa Claus again?! Can we relax and enjoy the meaning of the holiday, which is in our home about family and friends. It’s about being with each other in the most loving capacity possible. Can we take some pressure off of behaving and enjoy the fun, the excitement that the holidays bring.  The threat of Santa should always be enough!  So consider yourself warned.. this little elf isn’t all he’s cracked up to be. Much like getting that Pet Fish no one is going to feed, somethings just are not a good idea!

All that being said, my child is what they call a spirited.  This Elf for us, causes more harm than good, it’s not like that for everyone! But a little humour and a lot of wine later we made it through those 2 years. Unfortunately  Sparkly has never come back, she’s not baby friendly turns out!

elf

 

Happy Holidays everyone! Remember good parent don’t let other parents get the Elf on the Shelf!

 

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