I spent this summer and last summer hiding inside in shame. The heat has hit me in ways I’ve never know before. I used to live in the sun, couldn’t get enough! After 2 kids and a few years older, I am not able to tolerate heat any longer. At least that is the story I’ve been telling myself to make up for the fact that I have 20 lbs on me that I’ve never had before, except for when I was pregnant.
Goodness that was a hard number to swallow. I’ve been 130 lbs my entire life, again, other than when pregnant. After Ava I had 10lbs to lose, I got back into the work force and the weight melted off. I was also a smoker too and that along side a heavily coffee’d diet meant that I didn’t hold on too much weight!
I had Zoe and the weight gain came quickly, I heard this a lot with moms who become pregnant with the second baby. I expected it. I didn’t gain that much weight, I just never expected that it wouldn’t leave as easily as it came. My body shaped changed this time around! Or at least that’s what I told myself.
I’ve let myself go, I’m not saying that I am fat or overweight. I am saying, I let myself go! I started making excuses for not making my health a priority. I’ve found excuses to hide inside and not participate. I’ve sacrificed my summer fun with the girls because of shame. I cannot bounce on a trampoline with my girls because I let myself go and physically I’m out of shape!
Recently SplashDown Park had a media event for us media types and several of mom bloggers received the invite to enjoy one more splash before it closed forever. The invite came in, I stared at this email. In shame, I declined the invitation! I told myself that since we’d just gotten back from our 3 Week trip to SK just days before, that we could all use the down time. Truth is, I didn’t want anyone including myself to see me in a shorts let alone a bathing suit!
The next day I looked at the pictures, I saw the mom who just had a baby rocking her swim suit without a care in the world. I saw the mom who has admitted her own body issues looking FABULOUS and confident in her bathing suit. I saw these incredible women in their bathing suits having fun with their children and I cried. I denied my children fun because of my own shame. To those moms, I am so proud of you!
I’ve never been this girl before, I don’t really know how to do this whole body image thing! I’ve always been small and muscular. Nothing rubbed or jiggled! I went up 2 pant sizes and the first time I got on a doctor scale and they went to the 3rd bar.. I cried inside. I’ve gone from 130 to 152..
I know that my girls will always look to me as their role model and I owe it not only to them but to myself as well to model the type of behaviour I want them to exhibit. I cannot tell them to love themselves if I’m not showing them what loving yourself looks like. I’m saying good-bye to excuses… this is me right now and it’s also the last time you will ever see me look this way!
I am dedicating these next 30 days to fitness! To reclaiming my health and saying good-bye to my shame! #SelfLoveSeptember! has officially begun! I’m challenging you to give yourself 30 days of fitness and do something everyday to reclaim your happiness! Will you join in to?
I recently joined a weekly running group. I started my goal a day early and we ran/walk 6K in 45 minutes! I will be doing this all month long. Join in?