This is a big post for me, it’s the 100th blog post I’ve made as a Blogger, and also my 1st post on my new MacBook Air. I’ve used a PC as long as I can remember but now I’ve made the switch to the dark side.  This being the 100th post, I thought of ways to make it really special but honestly there has been so much going on, I just wanted to make this post count.  So what better than to go back to my basics, the honest mommy truth!

We all know that I have two kiddos, my eldest Ava, who is 6 and going into grade one in September.  Then we have Zoe, who is currently 8 months old. These two along with my husband are what make my world go round.  The reason I eat 3 meals a day, the reason I am not as squeamish with bodily functions, the reason I wake up before noon, and the reason why I’m usually in sweat pants with a top knot!

I can paint you the prettiest of pictures about my girls and our life but it’s not all roses.  Sometimes we are LOUD, mostly myself and the girls.. ok mostly me, I’m loud and I like to be heard.  I can tell you that I never knew love until I had my girls, but I can also tell you that I didn’t know how much pain I could endure until I had my girls.  I try my damn hardest to be the best mom that I can possibly be but I make mistakes. Yup, I said it and I own it and I’m proud of it, I’ve made mistakes!  I’ve walked the wrong path, I am not the perfect mom.  I don’t need to be, I also am not looking for someone to tell me I am.  This is not a sympathy plea, this an the honest mommy truth!  I have hid in a pantry with a box of cookies and an alcoholic beverage before noon.

These girls are also the reason I know what anxiety is and how I also know that I have some of it!  These girls are the reason I can go from really happy to really mad in a heart beat.  This is the HARDEST thing that I’ve ever done in my life!  I’ve cried in front of them, I’ve screamed in front of them, I’ve stomped my feet in front of them (yes, I’ll admit it.. I’ve had a grown up tempter tantrum)

These last few weeks have been hard, really really hard and I’ve thought things that I’m not proud of, I’ve wanted to run away and if I had to hear the phrase, ” This too shall pass!”  one more time, you’ll probably get screamed at.  It hasn’t passed, it’s been a long time going and I’m tired of it.  I just want a break, I want some slack.  I’m sure you want this too but I wanted you to know that you’re not alone, and to read it honestly from another mom and not some internet meme.

I asked my husband today, if they still do military boot camps.. incase you were wondering as well, they don’t! Of course I’m not serious but this mama desperately needs a spa break, a hair cut,  a something, other than to keep feeling like I’m struggling to stay afloat in an ocean infested with sharks, it’s exhausting.

So Mama’s please remember that perception is NOT fact and many people will not show you the ugly side.  You won’t always see the messy house,  the dirty kids and that secretly they eat Mac N Cheese and hot dogs some nights. In fact, many mama’s are scared to say,” I accidently said the quiet part loud today”! I’ve had mommy time outs and I’ve left rooms feeling really incredibly guilty cause of bad choices. I’ve shown the little mind ninja’s my weakness and I’ve cried in front of them.

But the next chance we have, we hug it out, we say our “I’m Sorry’s” and we give kisses and say I love you.  We’re not perfect and we’ve got flaws but we try really hard to work it out!   So don’t feel bad, our pinterest trials don’t work out often, and sometimes our kids scream at us, and even say mean things.  Sometimes, they don’t eat the proper servings of fruit and vegetables, and yup I’ve grabbed a pair of shorts from the dirty hamper cause how dirty can they really be?

So next time you’re feeling like a mean mommy, or fearing the mom shaming, give me an email, I’ll glad tell you that I’ve probably done it before too!  You’re not alone!

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